12/26/16 to 1/1/17 – Cartagena, Columbia
Crew – Lily and John Orta
I heard a knock at my door and after failing to respond for 1.47 seconds my Mom entered the room while I was studying for AP Calculus BC.
“Hey, I’m going to Chernobyl with Jenny [her friend from Law School”
“Sick! When?”
“Thursday” (It was Monday)
And with a whoosh, she walked out of my room to head off to wherever.
Columbia was not that ambitious but it did give it a run for its money. My Dad wanted to travel over Winter Break and his location of choice was Columbia and Panama. So he booked the tickets and told Lily and me we were going. I distinctly remember this detail because I did not want to go on this trip. As I talk about a lot, my High School and College schedules are generally exhausting and I don’t get much break time so I like Winter Break for that. But my feelings aside off to Columbia we were.
Of course, the first thing to happen is we miss our connecting flight because we land 40 minutes and then sprint across the airport and still miss the flight. A few hours delay but got there fine. Which was critical because the next day was the first of the three-hour tours.
Columbia has the record for the nicest tour I’ve ever seen – Brian. This man makes the American dream look like a shame and managed to accomplish it in Columbia. Born in a family without financial stability he taught himself English from video games and movies (where else, plus he said he got to watch Star Wars over and over). With English proficiency, he then started leading tours around until he could run his own business and now moved his entire family into a safer district of the city. I’ve met few people in life who just seem to radiate a fun time. That or he should be teaching a masterclass in putting up a front.
Tours normally for me are better without guides. Nothing wrong with most of the many tour guides I’ve had over the years, but I enjoy being able to get coffee when my feet get tired and exploring what I find interesting rather than what the tour group thinks I’ll find interesting. But Brian in a three-hour tour of the city of Cartagena gave a surprisingly exhilarating tour of the city and make the history of the city seem like a season of Game of Thrones. The good news was that we had fantastic characters, story and plot twists. The bad news was that it’s a tragedy: Starting with Spanish Conquistidors in 1499. For the next several centuries the Spanish defended their claims against pirates while simultaneously creating a caste system complete with separate doors. To no one’s surprise, the natives were on the bottom and Spanish on top. One hell of a double-edged sword. Except for the natives never really had a choice. Spain was not well-loved by its empire. (Although really no colonizer was popular, the whole lose-your-freedom thing goes down poorly with most people).
The Spanish caste system deserves more time and attention due to its complexity. English colonies had a far less formal caste system than the Spanish colonies. That’s all in my Mexico post (Coming: Eventually?). A large amount of Columbian art was incorporated into the Catholic temples and native dress and jewelry continued on throughout the Spanish period of Columbia. Obviously in the modern-day, most things besides the infrastructure and architecture look like a modern city. Cobblestone roads are still common on the offshoots of the mains streets and the architecture has a great deal of detail and color built into it.
But we might as well go after the elephant in the room: Columbia’s reputation as a nation of drugs. My first anecdote is that never in a country besides Columbia have I heard a drug crime lord described as a job side alongside a 9-5 weekday. They could definitely have been fucking with us but I appreciated the off-handed remark of it being something you could do instead of driving Shipt. After all, you need to ensure that your child gets through college when you are not distilling meth. My second anecdote is that in a country besides Columbia has the receptionist of our hotel gleefully described his World of Warcraft character to my dad after seeing me play the game at night. Legitimately he played an orc shaman which if I do say so myself looks amazing at max level. My third anecdote is how a fellow tourist (either college-age or recent grads) only had enough Spanish knowledge to order a beer. So you can derive that Columbia is a nation of drug dealers, every receptionist plays World of Warcraft, and no college-age students can take a class in Spanish or we can stop with making overarching assumptions about a country based on stories. It’s the 21st century…. Use Wikipedia or something I don’t know.
These days the country has become a major tourist destination that instead boasts amazing food and a generic financial district with skyscrapers and people wearing suits in 90-degree temperatures and humidity. A far cry from the popular image of Columbia.
We saw a few specific sites in Columbia, having only around three full days total. First, we toured a Spanish Fort. Saw the palisades and artillery batteries around it to keep out any unwanted pirates or nations. It was situated on the tallest part of the Island so you could see each side of the Island from the top of the fort and the entire city.
Another site was a boat tour of a mangrove forest. The three of us were situated along with a guide on a canoe and guided throughout the branching and mazelike forest. For those who haven’t seen the South: Mangroves are trees that live half-underwater and have extremely deep roots to bury into topsoil at the bottom of coastlines. They are also some of the most effective climate solutions ever discovered. First, they sequester carbon faster than anything else ever discovered. If mangroves could be planted alongside the entire world’s coasts and literally no other action was taken, climate change would cease to be a problem. They also provide natural roadblocks against rising sea levels and erosions that are second to none. Finally, they provide a full ecosystem for a variety of animals, most of which do not survive without mangroves.
(You know where this is going)
Most mangroves are also in the way of extremely profitable aquatic farm locations, and in areas like Louisiana, Mangroves are being cleared out in droves to make way for crab farms. Luckily, it takes (relatively) little time to replant a forest.
We also saw a few catholic churches. After all, new country? See at least three religious sites and kindly ignore the fact that none of us are religious.
The last thing we did in Columbia was celebrate the New Year. Now my dad has often planned our family vacations, a heroic effort, and simultaneously manages to be the most impromptu person I know. To be clear he is fantastic at it. I once watched him go to the bathroom when we were getting pizza to make drink plans with the CEO of LinkedIn when the CEO randomly called him asking to hang out. A few years back we were traveling to New York and when we got to security my dad checked his pockets and had completely forgotten his wallet. Including every piece of traditional identification, he had. Lily and I were with him and gave each other a look of “We’re going to miss our flight” when he told us to look cute and follow his lead. Over the next five minutes, he managed to convince the TSA security guard to let us through off of a Men’s Health magazine with his name on it, Lily’s middle school ID card, and general compliments to a middle-aged man. I try to believe that I have decent fast-talking skills and I have his genetics to thank for it.
And despite that, he did not get us a dinner reservation on New Year’s Eve in Cartagena. So there we were wandering around looking for good food decent food any food.
Finding a dinner that night was near impossible and expensive but upon arrival at the Spanish battlements, we could celebrate the end of 2016. Watching fireworks from the palisade of a Spanish Fort in South America to celebrate the new year can also be considered certified “dope”. The fireworks were launched over the ocean around the fort and when detonating they lit up waves in an amazing display of natural beauty and good old-fashioned high explosives.
Sam’s Sermon Scales:
West Oakland BART similarities? – 8/10. The country had an endless stream of tourist hagglers trying to get us to buy tourist items which quickly became a pain to politely decline especially when they would not stop. On the other hand, people were generally helpful, and servers were always nice. Brian singlehandedly drags up this category for his unparalleled service.
“I could make this better!” – N/A. In all honesty, I did not drink coffee or another warm beverage here at all during our stay. Just an endless stream of bottled water with probably far too much coke during meals.
Folks of Culture? – 6/10. Forts and Spanish history are interesting the Spanish wiped out every scrap of Columbian heritage they could get their hands on. Today the country has started to redefine and create a unique national cultural identity while simultaneously emerging into economic prosperity.
Golden Hour Opportunities? – 7/10. Fireworks shot out above a Spanish Fort during the new year were a sight to see. The architecture of the city during the day was also beautiful and a blend of multiple cultures. We never did find the time to truly see the beach. However, from the Spanish forts, you could look out over the entire beautiful island. Overall nothing mind-blowing though.
Did the vegetarian starve? – 8/10. Being a vegetarian in Columbia meant lots of rice dishes. Lucky for me the rice dishes were absolutely mouth-watering and I tried to order them at every restaurant we went to. South American rice, long-haired and with tomatoes, was piled high with peppers, onions, garlic powder, and an assortment of other vegetables and served in massive portion sizes at dirt cheap prices. There was probably other amazing vegetarian food but the rice dishes were just what I remembered.
“Hey boss, can I work more hours?” – 5/10. Despite splurging on an actual hotel room instead of a hostel due to me wanting peace and quiet by night 12 of my trip for $49 a night, it was fairly cheap in the room and board department. Wadi Rum was only $8 to enter for an entire day and the total fee the Jordanian government charged me for crossing from Israel was only $15. The kicker though was that Petra alone was $77 for two days and because I went back to Israel on Thursday night and Friday remains reserved for the Muslim holy day, I had to pay for a taxi back to the border which was $58 for an 80-minute ride.
Cooler than Middle Earth? – 5/10. Sadly not cooler than Middle Earth and in my very unqualified opinion does not come close. I very much enjoyed my time in Columbia, a country that does not have to be overwhelmingly foreign or more unique than a unicorn for me to enjoy one. Just nothing that made it truly stand out like Tolkien’s novel.
Photos are attached below. Credit goes to my dad and Lily
Best,
Sam
Dead Man Travelling 