Great Smoky Mountains – Crunchy Granola People

Great Smoky Mountains – Crunchy Granola People

8/4/18 to 8/9/18 – Great Smoky Mountain Range

Crew – Mia Sinks, Talya Soynatas, Aelita Klausmeier, Joe Emrick

Yes, monster tastes nasty, no you will not be able to hold in a number two until you find a toilet, yet that bright orange shovel is for that last point and no we are not even close to being done. Summary of backpacking, I’ll explain later.

Plot twist no one found surprising: College is stressful. Flat out. Now I’m what people call “busy to an unhealthy amount” and “dramatically shortening my lifespan” by working from 9 am to 1 am six days a week but who am I to judge. Lot of kids at Michigan are the same. Either way, when I was found a backpacking club that offered a chance to get away from it all for a few days, why not. Seemed fun?

If you really have been paying attention, you would see that Ezra’s name is not in the crew list at the top of the document. That’s because he got an emergency the week before the trip and was hospitalized. While I did like the guy and him not being able to come sucked, we also distinctly lost our team leader which was a pain. So the five remaining folks had to gather together in the environmental science building and plan out the trip. I’ll skip the logistics but so everyone has a basic context: three days of hiking, three nights. An eight-hour drive away from the University, the Great Smoky Mountains holds the title of most visited national park in America and has a reputation for, like most national parks, being stunning. We all bought food on our own, rented a van from the University and packed out own gear.

That left us with five. Talya and Aelita knew each other before the trip and had requested to go together. Talya was from Turkey originally, hardcore vegan, undeclared major, overall hippie and would’ve fit in great at Berkeley. Plus she took shit from no one which I do appreciate. Aelita in contrast had a much more sarcastic view of the universe and also lowkey a genius. Currently taking calculus II honors (when calculus II remains the most failed class at Michigan), wants to do applied math and described fantastic meals that we all damn well wanted to eat by the end. Mia was also an undeclared, actually lived up the Michigan party scene (rest of us could not) and overall absolutely hilarious. Finally, Joe who unlike the rest of us freshman was a junior aiming for law school did not enjoy our presence the first few days, but I think he warmed up to us in the end. Or at least he had to if he wanted to maintain his sanity.

Eight hours in that university van to the site. Which meant that of course I drove on the 1:30-3 am shift to the campsite. Monster tastes nasty I’m sorry, which explains the intro to this. Building a caffeine tolerance of far too much terrible dorm coffee a day really has its downsides. Least I got the aux cable. But we made it at 4 in the morning, I crashed outside in front of the van and we all woke up at nine to get started on this trip.

Also, important to mention, I was the only person out of the five on the trip with any previous backpacking experience. Which is not the ratio you want to be having. Everything from trail planning to pitching camps becomes much harder. Also gear packing. Screw that. I’m lazy to the extreme in this regard. I don’t prefer to carry a tent, instead sleeping outside, don’t bring a sleeping pad, change of clothes and throw enough gear out that I have the lightest bag possible. And still ended up carrying a metric crapton by the end of this trip.

The first 2.5 miles alone were brutal, being straight uphill and a moral killer incline at that. Multiple times you would think you were punching through the fog layer of the 2,000 ft incline we were on and just realized you simply passed one segment of the hike. The trail was deserted except for a few hikers and the trail was a foggy mess that reminded me more of San Francisco than any part of the deep south. Also reminded me of Silent Hill the horror game in which a serial kills a deserted group in a foggy forest. Cheery.  Upon reaching the top, we instantly made the executive decision to break for lunch.

Maybe some people like the pain but I did cross country for years and I still believe that backpacking gets painful very quickly and the benefits of these trips come from the connections and nights at campsites. The others did not realize that. It sucked. We could not see anything ahead of us, the uphill was incredibly steep compared to my previous trips and it appeared that we were making no progress. After we completed the first uphill segment of 2.5 miles we instantly crashed for lunch and Joe fell asleep. Which gave the remaining four of us a chance to get to know each other.

A half hour later, we woke Joe up and got back on the trail. While the second half of the day was not downhill, it was significantly less of an incline and when you’re stuck in the half of the trail everything seems better.

Upon arriving at our first campsite, Joe walked into our tent and fell asleep instantly at 5 pm. Woke up at 9 am the next day, out of the picture for all intents and purposes into then. Rest of us made camp and got used to how terrible non-ramen dinners are (next lesson, don’t buy those $9 REI dinner meals, buy that $0.09 ramen.

I against how much I normally eat burned through a somewhat insane amount of food by the end of the trip. 40 tortillas, 8 ramens, probably a dozen balance bars (which Aelita gave me plenty of crap for spending so much on them), a bunch of almonds and an entire container of jelly and peanut butter. Hey man I’m a college student now, deal with it. On a sidenote, I compared nutrition with Nathan Clark, one of my friends here, and he tries to take 100 g of protein per workout and works out twice per day. That was how much I took over the entire summer by my calculations.

The campsite itself was placed next to a cute but sizable river and only contained two campsites for eight people each. One was filled with a group of other random people, but around 6 pm another group of two sophomores and two juniors from the University showed up and joined our campsite. At night while backpacking you have nothing to do but talk after packing up meals and making sure the food will be safe, so we took the extra presence.

The second group brought two personalities I would like to shine special light on: Sam and Grace. Grace was first off, by far the best of the nine of us at starting conversations with anyone and keeping said conversations going. Which is an amazing skill when you walk nine miles a day. Sam in contrast is a cultural anthropology major with a concentration in archaeology and funny enough I had met him before at anthropology club but never made the connection on the first half of the trip. Talkative, funny and overall huge historical anthropology nerd. Most people who suffered around me in history class understand what I’m like when I go on tangents about Asian governmental styles. Imagine being any other member of the group who had to listen to Sam, and I discuss bronze age civilization farming for literal miles and then probably thank yourself for not going on this trip.

But back to hiking! Day two overall was the longest day by a fair amount and a near perfect split between uphill (first half) and downhill (second half). Sure, the novelty wears off on backpacking trips extremely quickly but if nothing else the fog had cleared up so we could see again and that we hauled up the trail with only mild complaining. Stuck on ravines for most of the first half of the day, nothing keeps people on their feet like the idea that a slight misstep could lead to a (potentially) painful death.

At mile six in the day I undoubtedly regretted bringing that second tent with us. Joe wanted it and I imagined that I would use it but in reality I never needed it and Joe should have just joined the three girls in their tent. Anyhow carrying an extra fifteen pounds (four man camping tent) was not ideal and the elevation gain plus the asthma (that happened) brought the point home. Yet, everyone on the trip was hurting by now and the views got better with every mile so I couldn’t complain.

Our campsite for the second night was somehow situated perfectly for a sunset, Joe stayed awake for longer than 25 seconds, Aelita and Talya actually had edible food and Mia figured out how to make ramen. So overall, it started out prime compared to the first campsite. Fires are incredibly illegal in national parks before late October and November most of the time, but Aelita suggested it and we wanted a quaint little campfire so we all ran around collecting dry kindling, sticks and somewhat dry logs for a fire. Add in a little tea (I packed a lot in) and we had created a picturesque way to end a day after eight miles of backpacking. I’m still proud of it.

As with every other backpacking trip I’ve ever taken, the last day is a welcome site and sad because you always seem to find the groove right as the trip ends, and you’re thrown back into reality. The weather was a perfect sixty degrees and we got views of the entire valley range when walking. Even had convenient rocks sticking out over the valleys to stand on for views and pictures.

The true issue of the third was an easily avoidable problem that no one had ever thought to inform the new hikers. Hiking. Boots. Suck. Yes, I understand that in heavy duty conditions and when broken in they are a lifesaver. But Mia and Sam were both wearing unbroken in hiking shoes on trails that had no need for them and were literally hobbling by the third morning which presented an issue. If we wanted to make it to the cars by 2 pm and then get back to the university by midnight, we had to go at a significantly faster rate than we were making. But if we want at that rate, Sam and Mia would have absolutely no chance of keeping up.

This got to be such an issue that we were making horrible time by the time we halted for lunch. I ran some quick calculations and the best way to explain what was happening is to explain why traffic is an issue in major cities:

When driving people tailgate commonly and when the car in front of you has to break the person tailgating has to instantly go to a dead stop to not hit them. That means of course that the car behind that person has to do the same and suddenly every car is at a dead stop. Major issue because if you were just spaced out everyone would slow down and way less traffic. Same thing here. Nine people and we were clumped together which meant a slow pace. My solution was to stagger it and just have faster people go on ahead. So Joe, Grace and the two other boys went on ahead and because I did not want to be a terrible human to Aelita, Mia and Sam since I suggested the plan I stayed with them.

So, credit to them they hobbled their way for another six miles. Sam for most of it even didn’t have shoes on. It was simply less painful. Which the trail while shorter than the previous two days still had an impressive amount of rocks and crap stuck in our way for a trail so close to the end and the regular campsites. The final few miles were just Mia, Aelita and I in the back of the group. And I guess that’s the perk of being stuck in the wilderness with folks for a few days. You can talk about Tumblr experiences and how college is treating you and other crap that somehow doesn’t show up at University as much.

Ride back was another eight-hour ordeal. Vegan burgers from a burger king in the south: Talya and I came to a consensus of damn good. Shoved more coffees down and made it at the totally reasonable time of midnight. Everyone has decent enough taste in music and the freshman like to grudgingly believe that Joe enjoyed our presence by the end of the trip.

Sam’s Sermon Scales:

Screensaver worthy? – 8/10. The smokies were gorgeous in many places and the either murder forest vibe of the first foggy day or a very picturesque fall day in the South. Downsides of the views was that there were not many great park wide views available and I did love the pictures I got on the trip, but its not Iceland or Yosemite to the point where I will drag someone there to witness the views with me.

Welcome to the Jungle? – 10/10 Great weather overall. Slept outside two of the three nights and slept perfectly fine plus got a great view of the stars (yes stereotypical, same with my blog). Not too warm or cold while hiking and the trails were well-marked and maintained. Looking back now, the trails seemed significantly better marked then the roads in the South and the bathrooms in the park beat the ones we found driving….

“Hey boss, can I work more hours?” – 9/10. On paper the trip was expensive compared to my previous ones, around $300 in total. But in return for that I finally bought actual backpacking pants, shoes gloves and miscellaneous supplies which meant no more sweatpants and sneakers and saw two new states at a national park across the country. So for $300, I’ll take that happily.

Thanks Oakland Strokes – 8/10. Flat I was carrying too much gear with an improperly sized backpack. Which I’m still salty about the tent for the record because we could have ditched it and suffered absolutely no consequence. But at the end of the day I made it through the trip and got some good exercise in, so I can’t complain…. Actually, yes I can and will continue to do so.

Cooler than Middle Earth? – 4/10. Not really. Gorgeous for sure and the trip itself allowed me to see a new part of the country but found nothing lifechanging in terms of the area itself. Meeting new people though was lovely and first time backpacking outside of California which I do appreciate.

For a completely random group of individuals on a trip from all over the country, it ended up working out well. I do wish I stayed better friends with everyone on the trip (although I saw Mia in the dining hall the day of me writing this) but I always have more time to reach out I suppose. I do wish I knew how to navigate college socializing, rant for another time.

Photo credit goes to a Grace, Talya, Mia and Aelita

Best,

Sam